Thursday Interview: Peter Piper

Now, Peter, you’ve probably been told that this is an interview, but in fact it’s more of an interrogation. You’re in a spot of bother, I’m afraid.

Why? I ain’t done nothing.

Well, that’s for the police to decide. Because the fact is, you picked a peck of pickled peppers and nobody knows where it is. If you can provide a satisfactory explanation, you’ll be fine. Now, where have those peppers gone?

Dunno.

You don’t know? A whole peck of peppers? Let me remind you, Peter, that’s 554 cubic inches we’re talking about. You can fit a lot of peppers into that. Now, would you like to tell me exactly what happened?

I was just… Me and this bloke George, we were going into town, see, and there was this field of peppers and, well, me and pickled peppers – I can’t resist ’em, know what I mean? So I started to pick a few, just what would go in my pocket, enough for a jar, like, no more than that, honest. But then George said if we picked a whole peck, we could sell it.

Right. Well, it so happens that those peppers belonged to Farmer Giles and he’s hopping mad. So I’d like to know a bit more. This George fellow – friend of yours, is he?

No. Only just met him.

Got a surname for us?

Porgie.

Right. Thought as much. We’ve had our eye on him for a while. He’s been making the girls cry.  And now you’re saying he’s a pepper thief too.

Yeah. Nothing to do with me. I told you.

Well, thank you for being so cooperative, Peter, but there are just a couple of problems. Firstly, Georgie Porgie ran away last week when some boys came out to play – before the peppers were picked. Secondly, we have a witness, Tommy Tucker, who was singing in Market Street when he saw you walk past lugging a peck of peppers. Now it won’t take me long to get a search warrant, but I’m thinking you’ll want to spare me the bother and tell me where those pickled peppers are.

Yeah, well, I, uh… I swapped them.

What?

I met this girl, see. She was selling sea shells on the sea shore, so I –

Peter, that’s not going to work, I’m afraid. We’ve spoken to her already…

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8 thoughts on “Thursday Interview: Peter Piper

  1. That’s hilarious, Curtis. I was thinking of mentioning the seashells but you pipped me to the post. now i’m left wondering what to say. Perhaps Peter gave his peppers to Mary, and thats her secret of how her garden grows. Silver bells and cockle shells, ya know, dont just grow without any …. pepperish type… fertilizers, I’ve heard. Maybe you could tell the constabulary that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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